FLW1, or Flaw 1, virus leads to alterations in one’s appearance, whether that be an isolated limb or one’s entire body, it does not alter one’s original genome… As of right now there is no cure….
We interrupt your previously scheduled program to bring you an update on the epidemic that has been spreading viciously across the country. Cases have been flying in and limited information regarding the source of this outbreak has been discovered. What I do know is that people all across the country have been developing strange and somewhat dangerous symptoms. We are not sure what causes the onset of these symptoms but it is clear that once they have begun, it is nearly impossible to stop. The CDC has issued the following statement: “CDC has identified a risk of the FLW1 virus starting on September 29th, 2017, to present, nationwide. The CDC is collaborating with the WHO and state health departments to conduct research on the virus and the risk of transmission. CDC encourages citizens in affected areas to refrain from sharing unnecessary germs and reporting any potential cases to their local disease center” (CDC Newsroom). To give us more information on the symptoms and spread of this disease is Dr. Donna Panic
Kalyn: Welcome to the show, good to have you here today. So what can you tell us about this startling epidemic?
Dr: Glad to be here, it is critical to any epidemic to be informed. As of this week, scientists have finally isolated the FLW1, or Flaw 1, virus and leads to alterations in one’s appearance, whether that be an isolated limb or one’s entire body, it does not alter one’s original genome and is therefore thought to be temporary.
Kalyn: Great! Is there a cure?
Dr.: As of right now there is no cure but scientists are diligently, and collaboratively working to find a cure or vaccine.
Kalyn: What are the symptoms?
Dr:: Based on data collected on a statewide level, it appears that the symptoms vary drastically from patient to patient. A woman in Colorado reported a persistently enlarging forehead. A man in New Jersey experienced a swelling of his abdomen. We also received a report saying that a white woman in Alabama began to notice an increase in melanin of her skin.
Kalyn: But how are these things related? Odd things happen to people for various reasons, why is the CDC so concerned with this.
Dr: Upon initial examination, it does seem like these are all isolated symptoms. However the strange thing is that at this point in our studies 86% of all Americans, those who have reported symptoms as well as seemingly healthy, have the same markers for FLW1, a darkened inner ring on each red blood cell and traces of a retrovirus scientist have thus named FLW 1. We fear that at this alarming rate in less than two months the entire population will be infected. A retrovirus like this doesn’t kill the host cell but instead inserts its own genome and affects what proteins or cells are created or transcribed (Compton). Our research suggest this virus is
transmitted virally but most people are asymptomatic for anywhere from an hour to several months, making this very difficult to get ahead of.
Kalyn: What triggers the symptoms disease?
Dr: Right now we are unsure how to prevent the onset of symptoms but must advise that people do not panic. Scientists in the CDC, NCBI, WHO and other public health organizations are conducting research as we speak to get a better understanding of this disease. For now the CDC recommends everyone avoid contact with the infected and report potential cases they see.
Kalyn: Well thank you so much for coming, that was very informative. Next we will here from a professor of sociology and psychology at Princeton University who has been conducting research regarding the effects of this outbreak.
Professor: Hi, glad to be here.
Kalyn: So tell us what your research is suggesting about the patterns between these diseases
Professor: Well my team and I conducted a study of some of the patients that involved a series of questionnaires completed by them, their spouses and/or their children. For the sake of privacy I will use fake names when describing our results. Patient A.C. was admitted to Cleveland Clinic with a headache that quickly developed into macrocephaly, or an abnormally large head. After various intensive surveys from his family, ex partners, and business associates, we discovered that A.C. was often described as “having a big ego”. Patient S.M. checked in to Syracuse University hospital reporting a sticky slimy substance oozing out of her hands. Her survey results as well as criminal record suggests that she was a serial shoplifter, sometimes referred to as having “sticky hands”. Patient K.D. was admitted to the Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital reporting an elongated nasal cavity, and–
Kalyn: Let me guess, is a liar like pinocchio?
Professor: Close, she was described as being “nosy.” As strange and unconnected as these may seem our initial results have shown that all of these patients had the FLW1 virus.
Kalyn: So what you’re saying is that people are beginning to physically manifest some of their personality traits?
Professor: Not just any trait, they are physically manifesting their worst personality traits.
Kalyn: But if that is true then what was the flaw that caused the woman in Alabama to have darkening skin?
Professor: My best guess would be that she was racist and that is what manifested itself– she started to become the very thing she hated.
Kalyn: Well thank you professor, and there you have it folks. A terribly contagious disease with gruesome symptoms, you can run but you can’t hide what’s on the inside. To all of you out there I advise you heed the warning of the CDC as they work diligently to stop this outbreak. Try to stay safe…oh and be on your best behavior 😉
Image Credit: Microscopy Image, Dr. Erskine Palmer, USCDCP, Public Domain via PIXNIO.