On my first day of class, I remember reading the course code for the first time. My exact thought s were, “Huh, I wonder what GSS stands for?” As the room became full of woman, I quickly came to realize what it meant. I had never taken a gender studies class before. So, honestly, I was a little worried. However, after completing the class, I can confidently say it was a meaningful experience.
I want to start off with my biggest takeaway from the course. Due to this class, I will forever be more cognizant of how women feel in male dominated spaces. Perhaps unsurprisingly, I was the only man in our class. The class started off with three, but one guy couldn’t last ten minutes and the other was gone by week two. Then, we had Keletso, but we all know how that went. As the only guy, I often felt like my words and actions were under a microscope. There were multiple times where I refrained from speaking as I felt it wasn’t really my place. As a black man from Kentucky, I am used to being a minority in some capacity. Even still, this was a unique experience. While I know my experience doesn’t fully compare to what a lot of woman go through, it was close enough to make me more aware.
I also gained something from every spy we encountered. Eberhardt was such a free spirit. To some extent all of our spies were free, but let’s be honest, none of them were quite like Isabelle. When reading about her life, I felt called to adventure. It was so frustrating talking about her in class some times. I would think, “Why are we sitting here talking about this lady instead of going on a cool adventure? She would want us to go on an adventure.” As much as I adored her freedom, I never really envied her. She was clearly suffering from something. I wish I could have meet her. I think we would have been great friends, and I lowkey think I could have “fixed” her (This is 99% a joke, not sure it came across correctly over text). From Eberhardt, I learned to never let your circumstances stop you from making life an adventure. I also learned that I should definitely not get into smoking. Gertrude Bell taught me a very important lesson about religion. She made me realize that, more matter what they claim, everyone has a “god.” For Gertrude Bell it was her family and her country. Above everything else she worshipped those two things. This is a similar sentiment to everyone being a slave to something. The difference being that we willing and happily serve these vices. This lesson gave me a deeper understanding of how people’s actions. No matter how much someone says they love or will prioritize you, there is likely something most people will put ahead of you (just as Bell always placed Empire first). With Freya Stark, I learning about desire. I related to Stark’s pursuit of love heavily. While I am not personally chasing a relationship, I understand pursuing an objective only to fail countlessly. Experiencing Freya’s struggle brought me a weird sense of comfort. Finally, through T.E. Lawrence, I was taught lessons about fame. As someone who would love to be famous, I found Lawrence’s distain for fame peculiar. However, it made me think about the amount of responsibility people will place on you due to your notoriety. Suddenly, your words are no longer just good intentions and niceties, they are promises you must make good on. While I still want to be famous, Lawrence recontextualize the weight of the crown.
As for assignments, two stuck out the most: the play and the final. I won’t lie, I was not the biggest fan of our production. I felt awkward preforming and it was a stressful process. That does not mean it was a meaningless experience. Through the performance, I was able to engage with the material from class in a unique way. The script along with the actors’ mannerisms and delivery presented Lawrence and others in a particular way which informed my preconceived notions on these individuals. It was interesting to see how these notions were either reinforced or dismantled as I later engaged with the readings. On the other hand, I loved making my final video. Outside of just enjoying making videos, I really liked learning about Josephine Baker. In my opinion, she was more interesting than any of our other spies. Putting her and Lawrence in conversation with each other through the lens of their fame was a particular memorable exercise. My final video was the first time I felt as though I was able to fully buy in to all the aspects of the class.
Now, there are some overarching themes I want to touch on. Are we all spires? This question was brought up multiple times throughout the semester. While I now see it as a more respectable question, my answer is still no. I do not think “creating” knowledge is inherently espionage. Additionally, I think equating the type of knowledge I gather to say that of a journalist is reductive (to the journalist). While astrophysics is super interesting and actually very useful, it does not challenge systems in the same as journalism, film, politics, etc. Additionally, I want to briefly touch on the topic of Empire. While I do not think any of us really thought empire had fully come to an end, this class brought me to the realization that systems that essentially operate as empire are even more present than I initially thought. It also put into perspective just how close in history we still are to traditional empire. I urge you to remember, Freya Stark died one year before Toy Story.
One thing I wish we got to discuss in class is how modern “history” will be preserved. Whether it was autobiographies or letters, for all of our spies, there was a plethora of their own writing historians, biographers, and students can go through. After decades, these writings are essentially who Eberhardt, Bell, Stark, and Lawrence are in the modern day. I think about my generation and wonder how will we leave a presence for the future. While we don’t write letters there is obviously still social media, emails, text etc. But, are these really as representative as a collection of letters. Since the first day of my junior year of high school, I have recorded a one second video every single day. I have no intention of stopping. Even I still wonder, though, if someone could truly get a deep look at me as a person from these videos. Just something to think about.
Overall, I had fun.
